PS: I love going to Orange.
I am a nostalgic person, if you didn't know that by now.
I love memories and things that bring them back.
I love going to Orange because it reminds me so much of my childhood.
It reminds me of being little & innocent, not having a care in the world.
It reminds me of riding my bike down the street, pushing strollers with dolls in them, eating peanut butter & jelly sandwhiches, swim parties, uniforms, etc.
It reminds me of my neighborhood.
Today, I went to my old neighborhood.
I have been back a few times since I moved out of the house I had lived in for 15 years of my life.
Its different now. The plants are gone, and its re-painted to this nasty green color.
But it's still my house.
I loved it there. I literally had the BEST childhood.
I went to the perfect school. K-8th grade. Yes, plaid skirts and collared shirts with emblems of Salem Lutheran.
And I also went to the perfect church, which is Salem Lutheran.
Today, I went to my old church.
That also, is home to me.
I grew up at that church.
I was baptized there.
I was there when they built the new gym and worship center. When they re-did the playground. When they changed pastors. When they expanded the parking lot.
And everyone was there for me.
When I started singing on stage at 2 years old. When I did communion. When I participated in those many many plays. I was a daisy once, A chef once. A bird once. When I went through confirmation. When I graduate 8th grade.
All these memories are there. I have memories of playing flag football. Chasing boys around. Fixing my makeup at such a young age. Making honors choir. Making honors roll. Being on that stage with my dad.
They know me there. They know my family there. They know who I really am.
When I go back there, it's like a celebration. It is so fun to see everyone.
Yes, alot has changed.
There are alot of faces I don't recognize, even the pastor's.
And there are alot of faces I don't see.
One of those faces I miss.
Another reason why my neighborhood and church is so sentimental is because of Lisa.
She is the strongest person I ever knew.
Her family lived four doors down from mine, and we grew up together.
Our parents were best friends. And their two sons were always with my brother and I. And yes, I had the biggest crush on Joey.
Christmas mornings we would come outside and show off our new toys. Saturday mornings we would go out on bike rides up and down hills with our dads. Some nights we would have dinner together. All in all, our families were inseparable.
This family I am referring too, is practically family to me.
During my freshman year, Lisa was diagnosed with cancer.
She passed away the day before I started my senior year of high school.
Now, being gone in Auburn when she passed, was different. We didn't see the house everyday, see the grieving faces of our family and friends, see what was missing. I think about her alot though.
And today, I walked through the house. I think it was the first time.
I was with Joey, who is closer than a brother to me.
My parents weren't there. Just him and the dogs.
It was different.
It still smelt like the Belden house, which I always miss. They still had orange trees in the backyard, the shiny pool, the little garden, the basketball court, the tool shed, the swing on the front porch, the perfectly manicured lawn, the family photos.
But there was something missing.
And it was her.
She wasn't there to greet me with her motherly hug, or ask me to get my nails done, or take me to sushi.
She wasn't there to watch me and Joey and laugh at the things we do and say.
She wasn't there.
She is healthy now. She is happy. She is in such a better place.
But I miss her.
I know I'll see her again though.
It's been a long day.
Nostalgia.
Yeah, it was hard being back there. Hard going to church and realizing my parents go to a different one now. Hard passing my house and not opening the garage to get my scooter and helmet out. Hard not seeing Lisa walking down the street with a cup of coffee for my mom, and them sitting on the driveway laughing like best friends do. Hard saying goodbye to Joey, seeing how much our lives have changed overtime. Hard not being able to just be there all the time. For everyone.
But. Life goes on. Change happens. You still have to push forward. I can't dwell on this. I have a new life now, whether I like it or not.
I don't know if I like change.
Change happens too much.
I just want to go back to the good ole' days.
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