learning to love again

the summer of 2011. a thousand thoughts rush through my head when i think about the past four months. a hundred of pictures, the places I went, friends I was with, and the person that tore me apart. the summer started with a certain mindset, and ended with a completely different one. but that's how life is. that's how God works. this summer, God opened my eyes to so many things, that I didn't notice until the past couple weeks. see, we go through hurt for a reason. God doesn't want us to hurt on purpose. this summer was the first time in my life that I was truly hurt, or as some people call it, "heartbroken". I was blindsided by the whole ordeal. but deep down, I knew it was supposed to happen. choices were made, and with choices, if they are the wrong ones, come consequences. and I received those consequences. as my dad stated one day, "every sin has a consequence." this simple statement is so large, and I think people underestimate it, and the power of God. throughout those two months of summer, I thought I got exactly what I wanted. but I think we confuse ourselves with what we want. because as humans, as sinful beings, we don't really know what we want. God knows what we need, and He's the only one who knows the deepest desires of our heart. they can become clouded though, and influenced by the world around us. I thought I got what I wanted, but that's not what I wanted at all. the past month I have spent searching for the lesson that God was trying to teach me. but I was searching in the wrong places. God was teaching me that I wasn't ready for what I really wanted. as the weeks passed, I slowly began to have a sense of peace over me and my relationship with God. the peace was love. because I was overwhelmed with the love God had for me, even though I took a couple step backwards the past few months. and by recognizing His love everywhere I went, I was reminded of Him and how much I love Him. sometimes, it takes hurt, it takes mistakes, it takes consequences, it takes heartache, it takes a couple steps back, to FINALLY realize the love of our God. and to finally realize how much I'm ready to love Him, completely and fully, no questions asked.

this summer, I learned to love again.

to love Him again.

fears

i think the scariest thing is when our past invades our present self again. we can so easily transform into that being that we once were. it’s the thing i fear the most in life- going backwards. but we need to overcome our past, as we overcome our fears. seeing our old selves help us realize how far we have come, and how we can continue to keep growing and developing into who we really are.

ain't the leaving kind

jumble