Mmm.

Running Around My Dreams

Nineteen

How in the world am I nineteen years old?
Time has literally flown by.
I can say one thing: I'm glad that I am no longer 18.
I'm glad I can put everything that happened when I was 18 behind me now.
I'm glad I am older.
I'm glad I learned.
And I am also glad that I am loved.
I am loved by SO many people around me. Indescribable amounts of love.
I had an amazing birthday.
I have amazing friends, an amazing family.
I have an amazing God.
And throughout everything, I have an amazing LIFE.
So tonight, I am thankful.
Thankful for this beautiful life I have been blessed with.
And I am SO ready, to be, nineteen. :)

I just want you to know who I am.

Sometimes I find myself thinking about a conversation I had with one of my closest friends a couple weeks ago.
We were having one of our many deep talks about the opposite sex.
I think about how she said to find someone worth praying for. Focus on them. Only them. But only if they are worth it. She spoke on how I shouldn't invest my time and thoughts into the ones that aren't going to matter, or the ones God really doesn't want me to be involved with. I thought about this concept, but shortly after, a face popped into my mind.
I didn't even know you before I started college.
It's weird to think that in a few months someone can come into your life and impact you more than you could ever know.
But you did.
And I miss you.
You have no idea. You have no idea the impact you made on me. You have no idea that when I walk by a certain place or inside somewhere memories of you come rushing through my head of our friendship. No one does. I don't show it. I don't talk about it. I keep it inside. I try to search for someone else to focus on, someone else to pray for.
But it always comes back to you.
And you have no idea. But I pray for you. I pray for you. I pray for where you are right now. I pray for your journey.
I knew there was something different about you. I could always tell in your eyes.
You are amazing, and you are beautiful. You have God in your eyes.
So I will pray for you.
And whoever God designed for you. Because even if it isn't me, you deserve the best.
So I will pray for you. Because you are so extremely worth it.

"And I'd give up forever to touch you,

Cause I know that you feel me somehow.

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,

And I don't want to go home right now.

And all I can taste is this moment,

And all I can breathe is your life,

And sooner or later it's over,

I just don't want to miss you tonight.

And I don't want the world to see me,

Cause I don't think that they'd understand.

When everything's made to be broken,

I just want you to know who I am.

And you cant fight the tears that ain't coming,

Or the moment of the truth in your lies.

When everything feels like the movies,

Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

And I don't want the world to see me,

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.

When everything's made to be broken,

I just want you to know who I am."

little freak

I absolutely love spontaneous & completely random nights at Azusa.
Perfect way to start out my birthday weekend.

"Be my little freak."

Uninspired

I don't really know what to write about at this moment in time.
I'm uninspired.
Me, as myself, I, am doing well.
I have hiccups, and things I wish could be better, but nothing horrible.
I look around at others, my friends - and they are hurting, whether they know it or not.
We all have our struggles, we all have our pains.
We are all going through something.
But all we need to do is be honest with each other, and be honest to ourselves.
I think if we are these things, relationships can be improved, can be better.
Friendships wouldn't be broken, or be lost.
I wish we could all just be honest.

Sunrise, Sunrise

Thank You

Guess what today was? Wednesday.
Guess what happens on Wednesdays?
Yes, Kaleo.
I LOVE KALEO.

Anyways, I go into Kaleo like I do every week, and walk to the left part of the stage with Erica, to where Lindsey has two seats saved for us, again, like every week.
Woody finished his sermon, on heavenly wisdom, and having the right relationships with one another, and was introducing communion to us.
As the music started, the girl sitting next to me taps me on the shoulder.
She says "You probably already know this, but God has a calling for your life, and he doesn't want you to forget that."
And that's all she said.
But that's all I needed.
Somehow, God put that on her heart to tell me that, on the evening of February 2nd.
He knew. He knew that is what I needed to here.
And I know.
My relationship with God has been on such a rocky path the past 6 months, and I slightly forgot what I'm here for, why I'm here.
It's finally beginning to be on steady grounds, but that's only through Him, only by His love.
And that sense of encouragement is all I needed tonight.
It's all I needed.
So I thank God tonight for this. I thank Him for the girl sitting next to me. I thank Him for speaking to me, through her.
I thank Him for everything. Everything in my past, everything in my present, everything in my future.
And tonight, I thank Him for my life.
My life that is on solid ground. You, Lord.
As the lyrics to one of my favorite Kaleo songs say, "Out of chaos, life is being found in you."
Through it all, my life is found through YOU, and YOUR love.
Thank you.
Thank you so much, Lord.