Okay, it's time.
I have been needing to reflect on the first semester ever since I got out, which was last Tuesday.
Sorry I have been so incredibly busy. Can I say how fast the past few days have gone by? I blinked. This break is going to be too short.
Anyways, first semester.
I was so excited to start college. People come into college without knowing one another. You are given a clean slate. A chance to start over, become a new person. No one knows who you are, where you came from, what you have done. You can be anyone you want to be. But you need to be yourself.
I came in like that. I came in at a weird time in my life. I thought I got past my problems, my heartaches, my regrets.
But they don't just go away by moving into a dorm room.
I learned a lot of things during the past four months. Too many, I believe.
I learned that you don't have to trust everyone. You really shouldn't trust anyone. I trusted people too fast, just to be hurt in the end.
I learned that the word "love" is thrown around too much. Not just with the opposite sex, but in making friends. I made friends too fast, and called them my "best friends" within a few days. In reality, you don't know a person in a few days. You don't know them at all. Guard yourself.
I learned that people are going to judge you. People are going to give you dirty looks. People are going to talk. But no matter what I have done, or where I have been, I am the only one who knows where I am going. No one can judge me for my past. And all I have to do is keep my head up high. Because the people who are looking down on me are not worth it.
I also learned the meaning of friendship. After going through 4 months, I can strongly say I have the best of friends. They are the ones who are not judgmental of my past mistakes, who are there throughout everything, and are not afraid to stand by me. They all understand. They understand me. Which is hard, because I barely understand myself. But they have been there through thick and thin. And I believe they always will be. It has been four days since we have all been together, and I have already sent numerous text messages, had skype dates, made videos, phone calls, etc. You all, Bayls, Erica, Ahne, and Court, you all are my life. Each of us have our own issues, our own struggles, our own pain. But we all come together. Sometimes we don't understand reasoning behind another's actions or thoughts, but we are always supportive, and throughout everything, we love. We love each other.
I learned a lot this semester. I learned that you aren't going to win everyone. I learned that life can be hard. I learned that people are going to look down upon you. I learned that people sometimes, aren't going to understand.
But I also learned to stay strong. To find your true friendships. To find myself. Which I am still working on. Believe me.
But, the excitement of first semester of college is over. Yes, I had fun. Yes, I procrastinated. Yes, I made mistakes. Yes, I made bad decisions. Yes, I learned.
But it's all over now.
When I go back to school, it will be a new semester. New classes, new teachers. It's time to focus. Enough procrastination, enough regrets, enough of all the stupid shit. (Excuse my language).
It's time to strengthen the friendships I have. It's time to study hard during the weekdays. It's time to be a college student. It's time to not BS my way through it all. It's time.
I'm not saying I'm going to the library everyday. No way in hell. All I'm saying is that I am learning. Learning to be strong. Learning to lean back into Him. Learning to get out of my funk. Learning to be with the people that care most about me. Learning about myself.
After all, I'm not going to get my law degree handed to me on a silver platter. Somehow, I have to work for it.
And I will.
Yes first semester, I had some fun times.
Discovering coffee is always the answer, Chapman vs. APU football game, staying up till 4 AM playing sardines at Courts, procrastination, weekends in Orange with Alysha, Carrie Underwood concert, late night dance parties in the study room, Jason Derulo in Hollywood, learning that the library is where people study, Kelly's birthday party, last minute plans to drive to Newport, running down the hallways screaming to my girls, coming home to Riverside, Christmas parties at Courts, etc.
And I know I will have many more fun times second semester.
But let's just put it this way. I'm glad that's behind me.
Oh, and I miss you all already.
