resurfaced.

"God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to love you, to leave you. To make you into the person you were meant to be."

you resurfaced.

Someone Like You

"We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has only happened once, and that's why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of it. "

Come Around

"I lay it all on the line

The line I draw, that straightens out overtime

I've had enough distance, tell me are we getting close

Closer to what I need, I need to know.

If I wait here long enough, will you come around?

I understand sometimes its worth saving

But all my plans are constantly changing

I hide my hands because they are shaking

I take deep breaths and try to be patient

If I wait here long enough, will you come around?"

Come Around: Jen Hirsh.

Thank you Brooke & Megan for introducing me to this lovely lovely artist :)

Lots of Thoughts

There are a million things going on in my mind right now as I am sitting in here in the library, after knocking out a study guide for my Intro to Comm test tomorrow, yet ignoring actually "studying" it.
I don't know what to talk about tonight.
I think I'm just going to go in circles.

1. First off, I'm a little bit annoyed.
People need to accept the fact that, people change.
The thing is, just because a person was one way at one point in time, doesn't mean they are always going to be that way.
It doesn't mean that the person can truly change.
It doesn't mean that the desires of the person's heart are completely different than they were a few months ago.
Be accepting of it. Move on.
You don't know what the person was like before they entered this school. You don't know if they have always been like that, or were completely different a month before.
The thing is, you don't know.
It sucks to know that because of one mistake I made, little things still keep coming up about it.
I know, I have paid for the consequences of my actions. But really...
Get over it.
Excuse my french, but shit happens.
Life goes on. And...
PEOPLE CHANGE!

2. I have great friends. I really like my friends.
I really like you guys. I'm glad I know the people I can trust, the people that I can go to with everything.
You all are the ones I want to invest in, the ones I want to be by my side till the end.
I need to focus on you, and building even stronger friendships than what they are right now. Because I know you all love me, and I love you.
And this brings me to my other point...

3. That word, love.
Not in the romantic term. But in the friendship term. Someone brought this to my attention earlier this week.
We all throw the word around. I do it. A lot. I say I love you to someone I just met, maybe even a day before. Why? Why do we act like its meaningless? That word has been lessened throughout our generation.
So I'm going to be more careful about that word. And really, try to only say it to people that I actually love, actually care for, actually would do just about anything for. And thats not a lot.

4. I think that's all. Besides the obvious issue. Which really isn't obvious to anyone but me.
But I don't really know what to do with that so I'm just going to ignore it...seems easier right?
Oh wait, the easier way always happens to be the wrong way.
The right way is the hard way.
Which is why I don't want to do that.

Random Fact: My love Brooke asked me my favorite word the other day. The first word that popped into my mind was this:
Bliss.
I love that word. And I know that word is usually associated with my life.
I guess right now, it is bliss. Through the confusion and the searching for direction, I have bliss.
In which, I also have Joy.
And joy is so much better than happiness, than bliss.
Because joy, is that no matter what happens in life right now, everything that I am worrying about, struggling with- I still have joy. And that's only through my Father :)

Scissors and Soap

"Why don't you untie your hands, so you can let me go?

Wash the glue off of my hands, so I can let you go.

You need scissors and I need soap, so we can let this go."

Little Lion Man

"It was my heart on the line."

Why?

Lord, tonight my question for you is: WHY?
Actually, I have lots of questions.
I know a lot of people have questions for you right now.
Why this? Why that? Why do some things happen, while other things don't happen?
I want answers. We all want answers.
I want to know the direction you want me to take right now.
I want to know where I'm supposed to go in life.
I want to know what you are trying to teach me. I desperately want to know what you are teaching me right now.
I thought I was already taught this. I already went through this. This already happened to me.
I had my guard up. I knew. Deep down, I knew.
So I wasn't that surprised, that sad.
But I have a wall. I have walls. I never thought I was a person who had walls. But I do.
I am naturally happy. That's just how I am. My closest friends ask me at times, are you EVER sad?
Yes, yes I am. Right now, I am sad.
There, I said it.
I can act sad. I can not "be okay" for 5 seconds of my life.
So, maybe right now, I'm not okay. I'll be okay. I'm sure I'll smile all day tomorrow and all of you will see me smiling.
But I didn't smile tonight. I'm not smiling right now.
Because I'm sad. I'm sad for alot of things right now. Sad because I'm frustrated with what God is trying to teach me. Sad because I don't know what He is calling me to do next year. Because it wasn't what I planned.
But, our plans are not God's plans.
And I know he has big plans for us. Big plans for me.
I just want to know them. I want to know.
But, that's the most special thing of all.
We don't know. I don't know.
When I really think about it, that's exciting.
But right now, I just am sad.
WHY??!!!
I am searching for answers. And I know, you will reveal them. Eventually.
Patience.

But the sun still shines.

No one's got it all.