Why?

Lord, tonight my question for you is: WHY?
Actually, I have lots of questions.
I know a lot of people have questions for you right now.
Why this? Why that? Why do some things happen, while other things don't happen?
I want answers. We all want answers.
I want to know the direction you want me to take right now.
I want to know where I'm supposed to go in life.
I want to know what you are trying to teach me. I desperately want to know what you are teaching me right now.
I thought I was already taught this. I already went through this. This already happened to me.
I had my guard up. I knew. Deep down, I knew.
So I wasn't that surprised, that sad.
But I have a wall. I have walls. I never thought I was a person who had walls. But I do.
I am naturally happy. That's just how I am. My closest friends ask me at times, are you EVER sad?
Yes, yes I am. Right now, I am sad.
There, I said it.
I can act sad. I can not "be okay" for 5 seconds of my life.
So, maybe right now, I'm not okay. I'll be okay. I'm sure I'll smile all day tomorrow and all of you will see me smiling.
But I didn't smile tonight. I'm not smiling right now.
Because I'm sad. I'm sad for alot of things right now. Sad because I'm frustrated with what God is trying to teach me. Sad because I don't know what He is calling me to do next year. Because it wasn't what I planned.
But, our plans are not God's plans.
And I know he has big plans for us. Big plans for me.
I just want to know them. I want to know.
But, that's the most special thing of all.
We don't know. I don't know.
When I really think about it, that's exciting.
But right now, I just am sad.
WHY??!!!
I am searching for answers. And I know, you will reveal them. Eventually.
Patience.