Realizations

Last night, I realized two very important things in my life
Yes, I decided to watch Pretty Little Liars instead of blogging them... priorities, sometimes.
Anyways, these two things kind of go hand and hand with each other.
The first one, is that last night, it hit me.
I want to study abroad. In South Africa.
I have always wanted to go to Africa. I just didn't know when I should go, and if I should go for a missions trip or study abroad, and if I should wait till after I graduate or go during a summer.
I was trying to pinpoint on why I hesitated going during the school year, to study abroad.
I felt as if I left, I would be missing out on something here in Azusa.
But what could I be missing out on, when I'm in AFRICA, doing an amazing thing?!
So then I thought furthur, and I realized why.
It goes back into my childhood.
In the 5th grade I got Mononucleosis. I was out of school for 2 months. Before I had two best friends. When I came back, everything was different. Everything had changed. The two friends I was so close to felt so far away. They had moved on, made their memories, had their group. I was left out, and they didn't look back. I didn't have them anymore, and I was lonely. So that's why I think I was apprehensive about it. I was worried that I would leave, and when I would come back, everyone would be different, changed, moved out without me.
But that was in elementary school.
We're adults now. My friends will still be there when I return, still talk to me while I'm away. I know I don't have to worry about that.
And now there is nothing to hold me back. I don't know if I will even be accepted, but I'm going to try. Why not?!
That was my first realization. Exciting, I know. I'm excited.
My second one was I finally understood: I don't like change.
I was talking with one of my best friends on how we will never live in the dorms like this. I will never run 4 doors down to her room. I will never be on the Top Flight. It's never going to be like this again. And she said to me, "You don't like change, don't you?" And I realized, no, I don't.
This also goes back into my childhood.
It goes back to the moment my whole world turned upside down, and I had to move to an entirely different area. I'm sure there are worst things out there. But for me, that is the worst thing I have ever gone through. It's hard to relate to the feeling I had, but my entire life changed. And I hated it. And every time something changes, I go back to that moment when I truly hurt and did not like my life. So change sucks. And I think that's why I was worried about leaving. That is a huge change. Going to a completely different country with a group of people I probably had just met. But I think because I have gone through many changes in my life, I can be prepared for it. I know God has prepared me for certain things in life, and I know because of that pain I went through when I moved, it prepared me to go out and do something amazing in the world.
I love moments when you realize things that you have been searching for for years.
I am just so excited for the future.
But I need to keep my mind in the present, and keep moving forward. :)