live in THIS moment.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Mixture of Emotions
Some days I just want to lay in bed and not get out for a very very long time. And be completely okay with it.
That's today, that's right now.
I'm sad, I'm happy, I'm angry, I'm okay.
I'm sad for things that have happened, and sad for things that didn't.
I'm excited for it to be summer, but I'm crying about leaving here, leaving my hall, leaving this place.
I'm happy to be in back in Southern California for summer with Alysha, but heartbroken to know I won't be getting Icees everyday at Chevron or tanning by the lake with Molls.
Asdfghjkgdgfdgfdgfda. I don't know.
Sometimes everything just hurts.
Sometimes it last in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.
TIme will tell.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Where is your faith?
This was a really really really long week.
And I really really really didn't like it.
There were too many stressful things going on.
And I couldn't stop thinking about them.
I had a bazillion hours of homework, housing situations, spring break plans, job for summer talks...it was just so much.
Through the midst of it all, I was emotionally exhausted.
During one of the tearful phone conversations I had with my mom slash best friend this week, she asked me numerous times, "Chelsea, where is your faith?"
This question is still embedded in my memory, because everything ended up working out.
I was so overwhelmed with the negativity and all the things that were going on that I forgot about God for a minute. I was being stubborn and forgot to trust Him, rely on Him, because through Him, it will all work out. Instead, I had negative thoughts.
But you see, everything did work out.
My 5 page paper I left till the night before got turned in on time.
Housing got figured out, and me and my two best friends have our very own "Bowle".
Plans for spring break/summer are working out.
It all worked out.
The thing is, we can't get wrapped up in everything that is going wrong with certain situations. Sometimes, even when it seems like everything is falling apart and nothing is working out the way we want it to, those are the times God is testing our faith, and saying Hello, I'm here for you! And I will help you! And that is the faith we need. The faith for God, the faith that everything will actually work out, like it always does. During turmoil, we are supposed to turn to Him.
I'm glad I was reminded of this during this insane week, and I definitely have my lesson learned.
And thank you, God, for letting everything work out, even though I didn't pay most attention to you as I should have.
And thank you this week is finally over.
You're great, and I love you.
And I really really really didn't like it.
There were too many stressful things going on.
And I couldn't stop thinking about them.
I had a bazillion hours of homework, housing situations, spring break plans, job for summer talks...it was just so much.
Through the midst of it all, I was emotionally exhausted.
During one of the tearful phone conversations I had with my mom slash best friend this week, she asked me numerous times, "Chelsea, where is your faith?"
This question is still embedded in my memory, because everything ended up working out.
I was so overwhelmed with the negativity and all the things that were going on that I forgot about God for a minute. I was being stubborn and forgot to trust Him, rely on Him, because through Him, it will all work out. Instead, I had negative thoughts.
But you see, everything did work out.
My 5 page paper I left till the night before got turned in on time.
Housing got figured out, and me and my two best friends have our very own "Bowle".
Plans for spring break/summer are working out.
It all worked out.
The thing is, we can't get wrapped up in everything that is going wrong with certain situations. Sometimes, even when it seems like everything is falling apart and nothing is working out the way we want it to, those are the times God is testing our faith, and saying Hello, I'm here for you! And I will help you! And that is the faith we need. The faith for God, the faith that everything will actually work out, like it always does. During turmoil, we are supposed to turn to Him.
I'm glad I was reminded of this during this insane week, and I definitely have my lesson learned.
And thank you, God, for letting everything work out, even though I didn't pay most attention to you as I should have.
And thank you this week is finally over.
You're great, and I love you.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
It's a good life.
Well, I truly had a fantastic week/weekend.
But I was reminded by myself of a few things.
First off, we are growing up.
I finally realize that I am 19 years old. Nineteen. Years. Old.
I'm in college. I'm not in high school.
I can do things on my own. I don't live at my house during the school year. I don't have curfew. If I want Mcdonalds at 2 AM, I can have Mcdonalds at 2 AM.
On Wednesday, a few of my close friends and I went to Hollywood to a concert. We took public transportation because we didn't have cars. (I still don't understand why my wittle Pumpkin sits in my driveway, but at least I got it this weekend!) It was a weird feeling taking the bus to the train to the subway. But we are responsible. We are adults. We are allowed to do these things. And if we want to go to LA on a Wednesday night, we can. It's so weird. It's so weird to think how we're growing up. We are old.
Yesterday, I helped one of my good friends get ready for her senior prom. That brought up other emotions. The fact that high school is over. It has been for almost a year now, which is so weird. There will never be another high school football game, Winter Formal, etc. As I thought about that driving back to my best friends house, I realized that it's okay. It's okay that high schools over. Sometimes I miss it, and how easy and fun it really was. But at the same time, I'm so glad it's over.
And I feel older. I feel like I am doing so much in my life and in my self and through others. And it's wonderful. It's truly wonderful. I feel 19. And I feel like I have gotten it together lately. I can go to a party and not be that girl I was. I can be responsible, I can handle myself, and I can have fun. A lot of fun. Good fun.
This weekend was fun. I love knowing that the best friend I've had for the past 5 years will continue to be my best friend for the next 5, and the next 5, and the next 5. I'm so grateful to have her, throughout everything we have been through. It's weird to think how close we are, and how it seems impossible I could love her so much, but really, I do. I know I sound gay, but anyone who knows me and Alysha, know that it can be questioned because we are so obsessed with each other.
It's also weird to think how fast this year has gone by. How it's almost summer. It feels like yesterday I was moving my clothes into my dorm room, starting new classes, meeting new people. But it's almost been a year. My first year of college, over, completed, done. Now, THAT'S weird. But a good feeling. Knowing I have that behind me. And also knowing the summer I get to look forward too. This past weekend was just a hint of what it will be like. And I really hope this will finally be a damn good summer. The past 4 summers haven't been normal. I moved three of them, and the other one got ruined by totalling my car. So I hope this one will be normal, but exciting, none the less. I already see the vacations and trips I get to take, somehow fitting in a job, and possibly school. But I cannot wait for it all.
I am so ready. I am ready to be done with my first year, put it all behind me, and I am ready to have an amazing summer of being 19, being responsible, being fun, being truly me.
I cannot even explain how much I appreciate and love my life. Even though there is a few things that couldn't have happen lately, or things that I wish did, life is still, honestly, perfect. As perfect as it could get.
But I was reminded by myself of a few things.
First off, we are growing up.
I finally realize that I am 19 years old. Nineteen. Years. Old.
I'm in college. I'm not in high school.
I can do things on my own. I don't live at my house during the school year. I don't have curfew. If I want Mcdonalds at 2 AM, I can have Mcdonalds at 2 AM.
On Wednesday, a few of my close friends and I went to Hollywood to a concert. We took public transportation because we didn't have cars. (I still don't understand why my wittle Pumpkin sits in my driveway, but at least I got it this weekend!) It was a weird feeling taking the bus to the train to the subway. But we are responsible. We are adults. We are allowed to do these things. And if we want to go to LA on a Wednesday night, we can. It's so weird. It's so weird to think how we're growing up. We are old.
Yesterday, I helped one of my good friends get ready for her senior prom. That brought up other emotions. The fact that high school is over. It has been for almost a year now, which is so weird. There will never be another high school football game, Winter Formal, etc. As I thought about that driving back to my best friends house, I realized that it's okay. It's okay that high schools over. Sometimes I miss it, and how easy and fun it really was. But at the same time, I'm so glad it's over.
And I feel older. I feel like I am doing so much in my life and in my self and through others. And it's wonderful. It's truly wonderful. I feel 19. And I feel like I have gotten it together lately. I can go to a party and not be that girl I was. I can be responsible, I can handle myself, and I can have fun. A lot of fun. Good fun.
This weekend was fun. I love knowing that the best friend I've had for the past 5 years will continue to be my best friend for the next 5, and the next 5, and the next 5. I'm so grateful to have her, throughout everything we have been through. It's weird to think how close we are, and how it seems impossible I could love her so much, but really, I do. I know I sound gay, but anyone who knows me and Alysha, know that it can be questioned because we are so obsessed with each other.
It's also weird to think how fast this year has gone by. How it's almost summer. It feels like yesterday I was moving my clothes into my dorm room, starting new classes, meeting new people. But it's almost been a year. My first year of college, over, completed, done. Now, THAT'S weird. But a good feeling. Knowing I have that behind me. And also knowing the summer I get to look forward too. This past weekend was just a hint of what it will be like. And I really hope this will finally be a damn good summer. The past 4 summers haven't been normal. I moved three of them, and the other one got ruined by totalling my car. So I hope this one will be normal, but exciting, none the less. I already see the vacations and trips I get to take, somehow fitting in a job, and possibly school. But I cannot wait for it all.
I am so ready. I am ready to be done with my first year, put it all behind me, and I am ready to have an amazing summer of being 19, being responsible, being fun, being truly me.
I cannot even explain how much I appreciate and love my life. Even though there is a few things that couldn't have happen lately, or things that I wish did, life is still, honestly, perfect. As perfect as it could get.
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