This is it.

It has finally hit me.
You see, this is it.
This is the end.
The end of my first year of college.
Yes, I know I have three more years at this beautiful place.
But the first one is over. The first one of the new beginning, of new friendships, of new growth.
And I hate endings.
I hate goodbyes.
Goodbyes bring me back to the first time I had to say my goodbyes, to the worst day of my life.
Every goodbye reminds me of those goodbyes. This is why I'm like this, this is why I hate saying goodbye, this is why I'm such a nostalgic person.
I hate goodbyes.
It's weird to look back at this year. It's weird to think that these people I have come so close with were strangers 8 months ago. I wouldn't have recognized them if they were walking down the street.
Now, these people have become such an intricate part of my life. These people are my life.
This is my life.
My life is here now. That's why its hard.
This is where I live. This is where I learn the most. This is where I see God the most. This is where I grow the most. This is where my best friends are.
But, I have to say goodbye for 4 long months.
These people have changed my life. These people have formed me into who I am today. These people have poured their lives into me, their hearts, their secrets, as I have poured into theirs. These are the people who I will not get to see everyday, not get dinner with, not study with, not laugh with, not cry with. For four months.
Summer is looming. I used to always look forward to summer.
This time, I'm really not.
The uncertainty of summer is such a fear, a cloud above my head.
I hate the uncertainty.
But the security I have is of my family. I have my family. I have a home. I have my dog, my bed, my car. I have my bestest friend less than an hour away.
And, I still have my God.
I will succeed in having a good summer.
Finally, a summer where I don't have to move into a different house. Except, in a way, I am moving.
I have to move. I hate moving. I hate goodbyes.
I have to say my very first goodbye tomorrow morning. Just one of many this week.
I guess I am prepared for goodbyes by now, because I have said goodbye so many times.
I just have to remember, it's only for 4 months.
But I can't believe this is it.
This is it.