My time

When is my time going to come?

My prayer right now is patience.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of the heart."

Psalm 37:4

Oh hi

"I just want to be wonderful." -Marilyn Monroe

Here's the thing.

Right now, everything I can sum up about my life, about my past, about my future, about my decisions, about all of it.
It comes down to one single thing.
God's love.
This love will never change.
It will never decrease.
It will never end.
His love never ends.
No matter what we do in life. No matter what mistakes we make. No matter what things we do. No matter what.
He will Love.
I have had so many talks lately with some of my close friends about God.
See, we try to find this unfailing powerful love in other things.
I know that's what I have done. I try to find His love in the wrong places. Why am I searching for it?
It's not going to come from an earthly person.
It can only come from Him.
Yesterday, me and my friend were walking down the beach together discussing our faith and God.
As I stared out onto the sparkly blue ocean, as the sun was setting over the sea, with the crisp wind blowing my hair, it reminded me again, of His love.
It's like the ocean. It never ends. It keeps on going. Forever. You can't see it stop.
Because it doesn't ever stop.
That was the confidence I needed. That was the assurance I needed.
God's love, is all I need. God's love, is all I ever needed.
And I have it, now and forever.

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His love damages fear.
His love will fight fear.
His perfect love casts out fear.
I am His beloved.
Be loved. By Him.

No Fight Left

It's hard to tell if my eyes are open
When all I see is dark
And it's easy, it's easy to lose my step
To lose my step

There is no fight left on the inside
But maybe that's where I should be
I've given up trying
I'm giving it all to you

And I used to dream of a life so lovely
There'd be no room for tears
Now letting go, yeah
Letting go is the hardest part
It's the hardest part

There is no fight left on the inside
But maybe that's where I should be
I've given up trying
I'm giving it all to you
Ohhh...

There is no place I can go
Where you don't already know
How to reach right down and pull me out
I need you, I need you, I need you

There is no fight left on the inside
But maybe that's where I should be
I've given up trying
I'm giving it all...

There is no fight left on the inside
But maybe that's where I should be
I've given up trying
I'm giving it all, yeah
I've given up trying
I'm giving it all, yeah
I've given up trying
I'm giving it all to you

Thank you JJ Hellar <3

Rescue

I called, you answered.
You came to my rescue.
And I want to be where You are.

It's over. There are no more taking steps back.
From now on, the only steps I'm taking are forward.

This is just the beginning.

It's Possible

I need strength.
I need it now.
I can do this.
It is completely possible.
But only with one person.
"Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26
And there's my answer.
With Him, all things are possible.
This is possible.
This can happen.
This will happen.

Here I am

Today is Wednesday.
Seems like any other day in the week right?
Well, Wednesday is the night of Kaleo chapel.
Kaleo has always been my favorite. From the first moment I attended one, the amazing worship and inspiring words Woody spoke was always encouraging in my faith.
I always leave Kaleo with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart.
You ask why?
It's the same struggle. It's the struggle I've been having for months now.
Which path to take. Who to become. Who to not to become.
It is so hard. It is so hard for me to just choose a side.
It seems like I always go one step forward and two steps back.
Progress in one area, fall in another.
I don't know why it is so hard. I can't decide who I want to be.
I know who I need to be. But why isn't that what I am?
This Kaleo really hit home to me.
Woody spoke about James. He brought up this passage: James 1:22-25
"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do."
This analogy about the mirror is so true. We listen to the word, but sometimes fall away from the things it says and wants for us to do, just as we look into mirrors everyday, seeing our faces and the intricate looks God created us, but then we will carry on with our lives, forgetting what we look like, forgetting who we really are.
This happens to me. I forget who I am. Where I am.
Here I am, Lord.
Here is me. Here is what I've become. Here I am, with all my past sins and mistakes. Here I am, with dreams and aspirations of who I want to be. Here I am, with a hope of my future. Here I am, lost and unguided.
I feel this thrilling presence of Christ when I am worshipping. I just want to feel that everyday. I want to feel that sense of fulfillment and peace throughout my heart, my mind, my soul. Day in and day out. But I don't.
I worship. And feel it. But a few days go by and then I loose that sense of fulfillment.
I want it. I want it to capture me. I want You to capture me.
Take me, Lord.
Here I am.

New.

I've had an amazing start to this Spring semester.
It feels so good to be back with my girls again and seeing happy faces. Better than I anticipated it to be.
It feels like a new semester. It feels like a new start. New classes. New faces. New days.
I like it.
Things are finally going back to the way they should be.
Things are moving forward.
Things are looking up.
I like this. I like these new things.

Sigh No More

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist, that is all." -Oscar Wilde